I'm somehow feeling empty. Excited, of course, too, but more empty. I don't know what to expect. I don't know, what will happen in the next few weeks. That is always scary; to step into something that you don't know. To do something, that you've never done before. It's like going into a dark room full of noise and you have no idea, what that noise is and what on earth is, but you still want to go in. To find out about it. To live, because if you don't go, you can't find out, and living, in my opinion, is exploring, finding, discovering etc.
|The kids at work drew pictures for the kids in Philippines to cheer them up.|
I am right now not only empty but calm, calmer as ever. Will step out of my door very soon. I'm open for everything; what ever I have to face, I'll face. My backbag is light. I don't have much with me; I won't need much. If there's a need for something, I'll buy it on the spot (since buying stuff brings money = food to the people who sell it).
|Passport ready to go go go. Hope I don't loose it like I did my drivers license two weeks ago.|
Of course I've got my decomposition book with me, too, I'll never go anywhere without a pencil and at least a piece of paper. Will be working on some poems and on my English script as much as I can - which means propably not at all. Propably just on the way there and back during the flight. My first intention, actually, was to travel around those Asian countries where I've never been to, and write write write, maybe even make it to a first finished novel version, but now...I can't.
|It's backed and zipped. Ready to go go go.|
One person can't, of course, change the world or make it a better place. But if I can make even one poor person, who's lost it all, happier, I'll be satisfied. Which is in a way quite a stupid way of thinking; I'll feel good and satisfied because other people have suffered, and here comes one and will just jump on the stage and tries to be a hero. But let's put it this way: I'll do my best to not to be a hero. I'll do my best to see how things are and try to stand them. I'll do my best adapting. I'll do my best. And I'll also do my best not breaking my wicked heart. But then again I know already it will be broken.
I'm expecting NOT to be happy or satisfied after volunteering and helping others. So I'm doing this all, because I feel bad and I have a chance to help. Yesterday it got confirmed, that I will stay in a SOS Children's Village in Tacloban island and help out. I'm pretty sure I will continue my trip from Philippines to other countries with a heavy, heavy ripped off heart. Knowing, that the people will need help for years to come and that my short stay and little help won't carry very far. Knowing, that there are still so so many people without a home, without food, without parents, just without.
So it will all be devastating. I hope I don't loose my ability to smile after this big, big trip. I hope I will be able to write after that. I hope I will make someone happy at least for a while. I hope the world would treat us all a bit better than it sometimes does.
And I hope you will enjoy my trip with me. Let's hope it's not all about misery and heavy stuff (after all, I'm also travelling to Myanmar after Philippines to chill out). Let's hope there is hope. And that the people haven't lost it. I'll try to update my blog as often as I can. Normally I don't write this much in my blog, so don't worry, next time it's not a novel you read here like right now, but a short story. So see you later then, alligator, take care all of you and wish me luck. I'll do a final check now, drink my morning tea, say bye to my lovely neighbour and Munich and goooooooo.
P. S. I would like to thank you all, who took part in our Kindergarten project, where the kids and their parents (and some of our friends and us teachers) donated money to those Philippine people, who lost it all and are hungry. I will bring all the 610 (!!) euros safely to Cebu, buy food and water with all the money, and share it there. And mama: please don't worry. There's an organisation behind me. I won't be wandering in most dangerous areas all by myself - if even at all.
P. P. S. That song of Moby - I don't know why, but this morning I've had to listen to it. Has nothing to do with this post, nor my trip, but somehow I just feel like listening to that over and over again..