lauantai 30. marraskuuta 2013

Moikkis, bye bye, tschüss!

Today's the day. I'm leaving, finally. It's not my first time to travel all alone, but it's my very first time to travel into such areas, that are kind of dangerous at the moment, and to travel all alone for such a "long" time. Actually it's a short time. Would love to take off a whole year once in my lifetime and just go. That's a dream, and sometimes dreams come true, in my life pretty often as it seems, but therefore one has to sacrifice things. Time for example and energy. This time I'm not sacrificing anything, nor am I living my dream.

I'm somehow feeling empty. Excited, of course, too, but more empty. I don't know what to expect. I don't know, what will happen in the next few weeks. That is always scary; to step into something that you don't know. To do something, that you've never done before. It's like going into a dark room full of noise and you have no idea, what that noise is and what on earth is, but you still want to go in. To find out about it. To live, because if you don't go, you can't find out, and living, in my opinion, is exploring, finding, discovering etc. 

The kids at work drew pictures for the kids in Philippines to cheer them up.
Few weeks ago I did my very first skydive from 4000 meters. I was scared way beforehand (first of all, because I'm afraid of high places), but at the very moment when I started walking towards the little plane, that would carry me higher, I was calm. And at the moment of jumping into the air, I was calmer than ever. It was too high to be scared of height. And it was amazing. I almost fainted afterwards cause I forgot to breathe (and partly because it was impossible to really breathe). Hopefully I don't forget to breathe this time. Six weeks is a long time to manage without oxygen, or keeping your eyes closed (not that I kept my eyes closed during the dive). I'll keep them open. I'll force myself to keep them open even in situations, where it would feel better not to see.

I am right now not only empty but calm, calmer as ever. Will step out of my door very soon. I'm open for everything; what ever I have to face, I'll face. My backbag is light. I don't have much with me; I won't need much. If there's a need for something, I'll buy it on the spot (since buying stuff brings money = food to the people who sell it).

Passport ready to go go go. Hope I don't loose it like I did my drivers license two weeks ago.
But I do take some necessities with. The most heaviest thing in my backbag is my old laptop. I don't dare to take my new superlover (= my new ultrabook, that has been serving me as a writer's dream colleague for some months now) with me in case I get robbed. The second heaviest thing is the paperback books that I'm taking with. I'm a person who can't go anywhere without a book - in my opinion people don't gain more wisdom just by travelling and seeing the world. One has to read too. Read as much as there is life on earth - by reading you can reach others. You can touch them. Understand them. As I will be trying to understand the fairness and unfairness of the world during my trip, I'll at the same time read myself out of the situations and deeper into them.

Of course I've got my decomposition book with me, too, I'll never go anywhere without a pencil and at least a piece of paper. Will be working on some poems and on my English script as much as I can - which means propably not at all. Propably just on the way there and back during the flight. My first intention, actually, was to travel around those Asian countries where I've never been to, and write write write, maybe even make it to a first finished novel version, but now...I can't.

It's backed and zipped. Ready to go go go.
My heart won't let me. I could, though; there are still travellers going on holidays even to Philippines, and the world is still the world. People still live on. But I have a huge need in me. To help. It doesn't matter at all, if I'll be exchausted at the end of every day that I spend on Philippines. I can write when I return, I can do anything I want when I return, but now all that matters, is to give my portion of help to this world. Finally. I've always wanted to do something that matters. Unfortunately, in a way.

One person can't, of course, change the world or make it a better place. But if I can make even one poor person, who's lost it all, happier, I'll be satisfied. Which is in a way quite a stupid way of thinking; I'll feel good and satisfied because other people have suffered, and here comes one and will just jump on the stage and tries to be a hero. But let's put it this way: I'll do my best to not to be a hero. I'll do my best to see how things are and try to stand them. I'll do my best adapting. I'll do my best. And I'll also do my best not breaking my wicked heart. But then again I know already it will be broken.

I'm expecting NOT to be happy or satisfied after volunteering and helping others. So I'm doing this all, because I feel bad and I have a chance to help. Yesterday it got confirmed, that I will stay in a SOS Children's Village in Tacloban island and help out. I'm pretty sure I will continue my trip from Philippines to other countries with a heavy, heavy ripped off heart. Knowing, that the people will need help for years to come and that my short stay and little help won't carry very far. Knowing, that there are still so so many people without a home, without food, without parents, just without.

So it will all be devastating. I hope I don't loose my ability to smile after this big, big trip. I hope I will be able to write after that. I hope I will make someone happy at least for a while. I hope the world would treat us all a bit better than it sometimes does.

And I hope you will enjoy my trip with me. Let's hope it's not all about misery and heavy stuff (after all, I'm also travelling to Myanmar after Philippines to chill out). Let's hope there is hope. And that the people haven't lost it. I'll try to update my blog as often as I can. Normally I don't write this much in my blog, so don't worry, next time it's not a novel you read here like right now, but a short story. So see you later then, alligator, take care all of you and wish me luck. I'll do a final check now, drink my morning tea, say bye to my lovely neighbour and Munich and goooooooo.


P. S. I would like to thank you all, who took part in our Kindergarten project, where the kids and their parents (and some of our friends and us teachers) donated money to those Philippine people, who lost it all and are hungry. I will bring all the 610 (!!) euros safely to Cebu, buy food and water with all the money, and share it there. And mama: please don't worry. There's an organisation behind me. I won't be wandering in most dangerous areas all by myself - if even at all.

P. P. S. That song of Moby - I don't know why, but this morning I've had to listen to it. Has nothing to do with this post, nor my trip, but somehow I just feel like listening to that over and over again..

6 kommenttia:

  1. Bon voyage cherie,have fun and rmember to be careful too:-) the Talmud says that "he/she who saves a life saves the world" so our wish to help where help is needed is very admirable:-)

  2. Hyvää ja turvallista matkaa! Paljon uusia kokemuksia ja iloa. Avaa siivet ja lennä!

  3. Hyvää ja kokemusrikasta matkaa sinulle, Maaria:)
    Tule terveenä takaisin, ja vältä vaaroja ja rikollisporukoita.

    ♥ ♥ ♥

  4. Hyvää matkaa, mahtava reissu on takuulla edessä. Ja hienoa, että pystyt auttamaan käytännössä. Odotan innoissani postauksia sieltä.

  5. Vaikka sinä kuinka sanot, että don´t worry, niin mama on hiukan huolissaan. Mutta sinun on tehtävä tämä matka. Enkelit mukaan:)